Subtle Interactions

I went shopping lastnight. While I was there, I saw the manager from Sonic who did me the most harm. He lied to me, falsly promised and gave me hope of a future, led me on; and in the end, he's the one who told people over the phone he'd fired me. In truth, I had not been fired, I had quit -- but there was always a chance I had wanted to go back after my days off, and I wasn't really as fed up as I thought I was. ....Some people may remember how fed up I was. ;)

So, I did the best thing I could think to do in that situation. For a moment, I stared like a deer in headlights, watching his interaction with his husband. He is so hateful, and even watching them together I realized that while his husband adores him, worships him in fact, he has no respect for anyone but maybe himself. I hid around a corner, and walked as far off as possible, disrupting my shopping pattern and causing general chaos in my own schedule to avoid a chance meeting.

Now I wonder, why was it me hiding and skirting around like a criminal? *I* didn't do anything wrong. I didn't lie, I didn't cheat and take for granted the best and brightest of my team. I built things, I fixed things, and yet.....and yet I'm the bad guy. I'm the outsider, the castoff--the unwanted one. No one ever called me, the way he called so many people to beg them to come back to work. No one asked me to please stay, they couldn't survive without me.....and why do I even care, it's just Sonic. :

Anyways.

I waited for two months to find a job to replace Sonic. I was excited, thrilled, overjoyed! I lost two months worth of income, two months worth of saving to move back to Idaho! (hehe) Now, I go to work very hesitantly--because I don't want to work outside of the house anymore. I'm not happy, I don't like my co-workers, and the entire insanity of the place makes me want to rip out my hair. It's the most disorganized warehouse I've ever seen, and they're trying to re-organize it so it's even MORE disorganized, because it will be "easier" for them. But they know better than me, I'm just the new girl.

There has never been any secrets about my employment here. I'm a temp. I was placed by Aerotek, and I can be moved at will. It's still frustrating to see on my timecard "Temp" handwritten and smothered in highlighter. Yes, I know--I'm only a temp....why does that seem like such an insult this week?

My sister turned 29 yesterday. I got to talk to her briefly, and I felt incredibly guilty. My dad was off working, and didn't even take off for an hour or so to go to dinner with her, because he claimed he was too sick----and yet he still went to work. Mom spent the evening cleaning up her yard to try to get rid of my little brother's pit bull puppies. Instead of taking her oldest daughter to dinner, or doing anything with her at all. I don't know about my brother or other sister, but what I do know is that I went shopping, ate dinner, and went to bed early with nothing but a brief phonecall for her, and now I feel incredibly guilty because I know what it feels like to be abandoned by your family on your birthday, and I know how much it hurts, and I just did the same thing to her. :(

This post turned into quite a rant. I hope I can find some strength for that positive energy I've become so fond of finding in my faith lately, but it's flagging through this trial and I wonder if I'll survive it at all. I'm sure I will, there isn't a task set before me that I cannot handle. It sure does feel like it's still Monday, though.