midnight highway

I'll admit, I never thought to post my writing in my blog. I've always posted it on deviantArt, and after they went commercial, I sort of faded away from my public eye. Kelly said something that struck a cord, and made a lot of sense--which he does quite often--that I should post it here. I'm a writer, and I should post what I know.

So here, a poem--"midnight highway"

darkness
shadows falling over
cement and paint
dreams have brushed this highway
glimpses of happiness,
all passed by-
but once
once they were here,
if only for a moment.

bathed in the soft glow
of moonlight, a soft summer heat,
the haunting sound of laughter,
wafting on the air,
fading....
...fading.

dusty wind, and darkness,
there is nothing permanent here.
nothing lasts forever,
not even memories.
i remember this place
i've been here before.
the midnight highway..
lost in the darkness..
..always alone.

Is it Cheating?

...if I came home from work to pick up Kelly and the baby to get them out of the house for a maintenance issue....and then stayed here because the guy didn't show up? I should go back to work soon.

I've been having a very bipolar week, it's making me feel wildly confused to say the least.

I joined facebook.com, which makes that like the fourth or fifth social networking site I've joined. I'm hoping I can actually network though, I miss some of the people I used to know. Most of them drifted off as I moved on, and while I doubt we'd be fast friends again, I'd at least like to know how they're doing every once in a while.

Maybe I can even talk my family into getting on there, so everyone can see how disfunctional they all really are. ;)

Kelly started a blog, he says because *I* told him so, but he really wanted his own blog. He just didn't know it until I told him. :)

Anyways, off to do things...

Happy St. Valentine's Day

Hope Everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day, and it's filled with all the love you can handle.

Check out this link for the Legend of Saint Valentine, a little holiday history for you! http://www.novareinna.com/festive/saintval.html

Hugs and Cuddles!

snarf

oh yea

kelly says my blog looks like someone puked on it.

i'll change it later. maybe. it sure does seem to fit my mood lately.

oklahoma is draining my soul, and even when i try to look at life in a positive light, someone has to shoot me down. it's like i've had a target painted on me somehow, and i just can't shake it off. i'll get them back though, i've decided my ultimate payback is to get out of here. i'm not going to be happy stuck in a rut my whole life -- i'm moving on, and someday in the far distant future i'll look back on this place, and these people, and i'll thank God they gave me the strength to run as fast as i could the other way.

Subtle Interactions

I went shopping lastnight. While I was there, I saw the manager from Sonic who did me the most harm. He lied to me, falsly promised and gave me hope of a future, led me on; and in the end, he's the one who told people over the phone he'd fired me. In truth, I had not been fired, I had quit -- but there was always a chance I had wanted to go back after my days off, and I wasn't really as fed up as I thought I was. ....Some people may remember how fed up I was. ;)

So, I did the best thing I could think to do in that situation. For a moment, I stared like a deer in headlights, watching his interaction with his husband. He is so hateful, and even watching them together I realized that while his husband adores him, worships him in fact, he has no respect for anyone but maybe himself. I hid around a corner, and walked as far off as possible, disrupting my shopping pattern and causing general chaos in my own schedule to avoid a chance meeting.

Now I wonder, why was it me hiding and skirting around like a criminal? *I* didn't do anything wrong. I didn't lie, I didn't cheat and take for granted the best and brightest of my team. I built things, I fixed things, and yet.....and yet I'm the bad guy. I'm the outsider, the castoff--the unwanted one. No one ever called me, the way he called so many people to beg them to come back to work. No one asked me to please stay, they couldn't survive without me.....and why do I even care, it's just Sonic. :

Anyways.

I waited for two months to find a job to replace Sonic. I was excited, thrilled, overjoyed! I lost two months worth of income, two months worth of saving to move back to Idaho! (hehe) Now, I go to work very hesitantly--because I don't want to work outside of the house anymore. I'm not happy, I don't like my co-workers, and the entire insanity of the place makes me want to rip out my hair. It's the most disorganized warehouse I've ever seen, and they're trying to re-organize it so it's even MORE disorganized, because it will be "easier" for them. But they know better than me, I'm just the new girl.

There has never been any secrets about my employment here. I'm a temp. I was placed by Aerotek, and I can be moved at will. It's still frustrating to see on my timecard "Temp" handwritten and smothered in highlighter. Yes, I know--I'm only a temp....why does that seem like such an insult this week?

My sister turned 29 yesterday. I got to talk to her briefly, and I felt incredibly guilty. My dad was off working, and didn't even take off for an hour or so to go to dinner with her, because he claimed he was too sick----and yet he still went to work. Mom spent the evening cleaning up her yard to try to get rid of my little brother's pit bull puppies. Instead of taking her oldest daughter to dinner, or doing anything with her at all. I don't know about my brother or other sister, but what I do know is that I went shopping, ate dinner, and went to bed early with nothing but a brief phonecall for her, and now I feel incredibly guilty because I know what it feels like to be abandoned by your family on your birthday, and I know how much it hurts, and I just did the same thing to her. :(

This post turned into quite a rant. I hope I can find some strength for that positive energy I've become so fond of finding in my faith lately, but it's flagging through this trial and I wonder if I'll survive it at all. I'm sure I will, there isn't a task set before me that I cannot handle. It sure does feel like it's still Monday, though.

yippee

it's the 11th already?

i want to be at home chasing amaya.

i don't like working. i'd really rather be at home making sure everything is running smoothly.

bleh.

and now lunch is over.

<3

Blah

We all caught a virus. It's pretty miserable, especially since I was very excited about the roast I put in my crock pot before work yesterday. I was so sick when I got home I fell into bed and just now got up with the alarm. Now I'm stiff from head to toe!

It also means my clothes were still in the washer, lol. Oh well.

It's raining outside. Yesterday was so beautiful it was 74 degrees outside. Today it's supposed to be 40, with a chance of snow. Ew. I really dislike Oklahoma weather, all the wild hops and jumps make my allergies go nuts. I mean, what a tease giving us a beautiful 70 degree day, and following it up with snow! We had snow last week too, thankfully it only messed up two days of traffic, lol. Oh well, can't wait for .....oh man, spring and allergies and tornadoes. Why the heck did we move back to this God forsaken place? ugh.

Go go tax season.

<3